We're on A Different Train

Friends, relatives or acquaintances are often skeptical about the correctness of the decision to homeschool our kids. Replying to questions does border on justification rather than explanation. Part of the reason is that the questions are rhetorical and carry an undertone of judgement.

The other part of the reason is that, although we now view life, understand circumstances and take decisions from a very different paradigm, we’ve grown up with the same paradigm as those posing these questions. It is a paradigm, in which success is co-related highly with income, wealth, designations, qualifications, fame, recognition, social status, etc. Even when we tend to evaluate people, we are not indifferent to what they’ve achieved on these parameters. So, when people pose the question, we don’t miss the point at all. We create theories about how our kids can scale the same heights though they’re on a different path. The skepticism in their questions is a mirror image of our own.

Will they really be successful in the same games? A friend once pointed out that the path to success has been defined and refined by years and decades of experience across generations, geographies, cultures and living conditions. Is it really easy or even possible to find an alternate & better path to the same place?

Then, is our decision to homeschool correct? It's not an easy question. Many of us sometimes hide behind replies like, ‘ultimately, what matters is happiness, whether one achieves wealth, fame, power or doesn’t.’ Other times, we bring in perspectives of social justice, human rights, ecological responsibility as reasons why we ought to seek happiness or contentedness at lower heights of success. But these replies don’t really diminish our desire to still beat them at their own games. We still want our kids to be successful. We still would like them to earn respect – more so from the same skeptics who today question our ways.

In trying to justify, for many, vindictiveness becomes the mission of life. Every time the child solves a tricky maths problem or writes a poem, they run to report it to the world, 'look here, you jerks. He's done it without going to school, no, because he isn't going to school'.

What happens to their children then? They are destined to carry the burden of their parents’ ideologies. Either they give in to the expectations and become a faint shadow of their parents or walk the exact opposite path just to revolt. In any case, the kids have to manage the pressure to perform and still appear at ease.

There is a way out of this trap, as I see it. First, we must stop hiding behind the ideologies and convincing ourselves that we’re sacrificing for the larger good. It is not a myth, but a blatant lie that by leading a virtuous, socially conscious life, by caring and sharing, we will give rise to a new and a better way of living. Over two thousand years of experience of various religions is before us to prove that by following commandments of virtue, by telling stories about the eventual victory of good over evil, we haven’t achieved that. If we have to go back to the urban life, competitive schooling and the rat race to achieve more, so be it. It’s much better than harbouring the bitterness that comes from the sense of sacrifice.

Once we are clear that irrespective of the larger good, we’d like to live on the farm, homeschool our children, we must realise that we’re on a different train. We are not headed to the same destination as the rest of the world. So, we don’t need to justify our decisions by getting our children to reach the same summit of success. That definition of succesd is irrelevant for us. How can one reach Delhi when one has boarded a Chennai bound train from Mumbai? We must, however, strive hard to reach Chennai – because that is our new definition of success. We must, then, clearly articulate what success means and make it known to those who love us and wish well for us. They must know which train we’ve boarded and feel happy for us when we reach there safely.